what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
