I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
