he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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