i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
