The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
