Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
