i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
