Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
