im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
