What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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