The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
