maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
