We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
