lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
