Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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