This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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