you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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