Pappa wants mamma naked
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
