if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
