They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
