i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
