THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
