i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
