if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
