Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
