community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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