i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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