Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
