summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
