Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
