I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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