You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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