Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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