So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize