I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
