i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
