wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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