you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize