So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
