After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
