I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am one with the molecules
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
