I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He did a backflip because drugs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
