i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
