you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
