Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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