First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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