She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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