When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
