A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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