i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
