Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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