So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
