Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
