i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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