i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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