I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
