So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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