my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
