the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
They are going to name an STD after you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize