Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
