if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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