I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
