I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need to calm my uterus...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
