You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
