I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
