Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
