her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
