you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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