If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
