saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
